chzcake666

wow

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 19:40:24 GMT

i haven't used this in so long.
i feel like i've been pulled away from everyone and everything.
And now i just feel tired of it.
it's made me a bitch.
that sucks.
i don't want to be that way.
sometimes i feel bad but sometimes it feels right.
i can't deal with it anymore.
i had to let go.

why

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 21:56:12 GMT

do i keep trying to go back
i must be an idiot or something
i need something or someone to take my mind off him

people are horrible

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 20:15:42 GMT

STEVIE!
You fucking jerk.
What the fuck.
I just wanted to be his friend.
All he wants is sex and i wont give it to him.
So now he's like a psychotic asshole.
I've never seen this side of him before.
Fuck youuuu.
Anyways, Lil Matt is back in town so I'm fucking happy. I think I got a job at krogers by my house but I don't know if i passed the drug test yet or not. Tomorrow I go to orientation for it and luckily it is not far at all. Stupid Hollywood Video. 2 more months dude. I can't wait. I just want to get away from everything here and meet new people. Then when I come back I guess I'm gonna get another job and save up for a car and then I'm going to school next fall.
That is my game plan.

New plans

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 23:57:07 GMT

I'm gonna hopefully have this job at hollywood video. or just find a job anywhere and save up and go to california for a week after christmas. there's something about ronnie dude i love that kid forreal. i miss him. and i miss kevin too and i'll get to see him. and i've always wanted to go to california. i want to see what all this hype is about. after that i'll come back and save up for a car and go to school like next fall or something. who know's i might just stay in cali lol. i hate it here. same old shit all the time. it's boring/annoying/depressing

fuck

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 16:57:58 GMT

Everything always has to be difficult. So I got the job at Hollywood Video, which is walking distance. The bitch knows I don't have a car. I had to go to the store myself yesterday to figure out when orientation was. Then she tells me it's in fucking tomball. Grrrr. I don't have a ride to that shit. I don't have money for gas for anyone to drive me out there either. I hate cars, money and people.
I just want to leave this place. But I always do that, I try to find an easy way out and give up on everything.
Why couldn't I be blessed with rich parents? How come I had to end up with the drug addicts that are crazy and dead....
Eh, I'm venting. Guess I could always have it worse.
Sometimes I just wish I had a little bit of help.
I have my brother and sister in law that are giving me a place to stay.
They're the closest thing to parent's I think I've ever had actually.
But they have a family of their own now and I need to grow up I guess.
It's hard to start from nothing.
But I can try.

things are starting to look up

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 05:18:11 GMT

i get stressed out way too easily. i guess im way too pessimistic.
i talked to jamie my sis in law.
she said im welcome to stay with them and there's alot of jobs around there walking distance.
the only thing that will suck is my brother justin can be a jerk sometimes and seriously treats me like his slave when i stay at his house. but it's not like im paying rent so i just do what he says. and they just had a baby. but im down to help out with taking care of their baby. i love her anyways :)
im gonna do that and save up like a grand. and buy their old car. once i have the car im gonna move in town.
im excited. i feel a little bit better now.
i hope this will work out.

man i dont know wtf im gonna do

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 21:48:35 GMT

everyday it's something new.
i come home yesterday to my mom all hopped up on adderall saying she's getting kicked out soon.
i allready knew i had to leave soon. but now im guessing it's a little more urgent. i'm more worried about where my little brothers are gonna go and my mom and shit.
i have nothing and no where to go. it kinda really sucks right now.
i wish i atleast had a car or something.
or some cash.
or a job
i feel so fucking stressed out right now its unbelievable.
maybe i'll just hit the road again.
i hate that feeling though.
i hate knowing that i have nothing.
this really sucks though cause i was really wanting to go to school next semester and try to make something of myself.
but no, nothing will ever work out for me.
i really do hate my life right now.

damn crazy dreams

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 18:56:23 GMT

i just remembered a dream i had lastnight. it was pretty weird. me and some kids went to friendswood to party for some reason. and i met all these punk kids ive never met before. and fucking will was there. it was crazy i was kinda scared at first. then i talked to him for a long time and told him how much i missed him and then he kinda started deteriating. (sp?) then someone wanted to roll a joint with one of his fingernails. haha i dont know dude. it was weird and i got kinda scared after that happened.

lastnight

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 18:29:38 GMT

damn dude that shit was pretty crazy. me and ana went with josh to someones bachelor/bachelorette party and we all get wasted then decide to go to a strip club. haha. legends. some guy gave me and ana alot of ones to give to the strippers. but like the whole time i just felt bad for the girls. i wasn't aroused or anything. i was just sitting there like i wander what theyre thinking right now. i dont know it was kinda weird. but at the same time kinda fun. they all seem really barred out or something haha. then afterwards i came to the conclusion that the majority of skinheads are ignorant assholes. ugh. whatever. i respect their whole working class culture. but when there's a freshcut they act like fucking assholes and gotta fucking beat their ass and the freshcuts take it and say no i dont care im a skinhead. it's so retarded. but whatever. man and all lastnight all i could think about was stupid douchebag. i hate it. but im moving on. it's just really really hard. but i promised ana i would do it.

ouch

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 23:36:23 GMT

that fucking sucks dude. i can't believe he did that. he's such a disgusting liar, he'll be regretting that shit in the end. oh well. im def. done with him for good. i don't want any diseases or anything nasty. haha. fuck dude. it just hurts so bad though. cause he was juuust telling me how he wanted to marry me or something and he would wait around for me. whatever. fuck it. i'm moving on. everyone say's i can do better. i just dont see it though. fuckfuckfuck. i feel like crying. but i shouldnt cry over that dumbass right? yeah right . fuck it sfklsudflkjsdfjkl she's probably reading this laughing. haha pignose bitch. i guess he likes em ugly and loose. have fun trying to fit her on the back of your motorcycle. have fun trying to be yourself without being called crazy. haha alsjdflkjcxvn

anyways. lastnight was fucking fun as hell. i met a couple cute boys. but i'm always too shy to say anything. oh well. i got wasted and tried to crip walk it was rediculous. oh fuck dude some loser kid that moved into southmore fucked with kim and got his ass beat then like 4 girls chased him down and he was running like a lil bitch ass. funny funny.

tonight im hanging out with my ana and supposed to be going on some party bus and to some strip clubs

holla!

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 09:22:22 GMT

fucking cunt.

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 20:38:45 GMT

happy birthday champion!
ok tonight should be a cool night, i hope.
me and ana are probably gonna get barred our or something cause i cant drink my kidneys are all fucked. i dont know why i keep doing this shit to myself. i shouldnt even get barred out. im an idiot sometimes. but i wanna just chill and not be all anti social or anything. fuck. im lame. i need drugs and booze to not be antisocial? how weak is that? i'm fucking crazy. my mom gave me some vicodins. she's crazy. anyways..... we'll see how tonight goes. i'm gonna hang out with kyle for a bit before the show. :). im confused. argh. whatev.

am i being an asshole...

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 17:34:15 GMT

when i get pissed off for my friend's making the stupid decisions i have made in the past when i told them how bad it fucked my life up? would that make me a hypocrite? i don't know. i don't want to seem like a bitch, but come on. learn from my mistakes atleast. you're only 15. i guess have fun. just don't take the path i did. it's kind of annoying though actually. whatever fuck it. do what you want i guess.

tomorrow should be fun. show at the southmore house then kim champion's dance party!! holla! she's getting old haha. the big 19!! right? i'm gonna feel stupid if you are turning 20.... i need to find a fucking ride out to this shit though.

will white

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 04:30:01 GMT

today was his birthday.
i miss him alot.
i've been thinking about him alot lately.
i dont know why.

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 04:09:09 GMT

so the past week or so has been different.
i've become closer to people i totally wouldn't have thought i would have become close to.
made some new badass friends.
i saw witch hunt like 3 times.
went to lousiana.
went to florida.
came back home.
now i'm sick as fuck.

i don't really know what i'm doing with myself. or with other people for that matter.
i'm lonely.
but i want to be alone.
not alone.
i just want to find something new.
i'm not really sure though.
i'm the most indecisive person i know.
i hate it.

i need to leave spring.
i really can't stay here anymore.
not just because i don't want to, but the living conditions kind of suck really.
it's like 4 of us in one room.
alicia says she's coming back home and want's me to live with her.
her mom's gonna pay first month's rent. so we can look for jobs and shit.
i hope she really means it.
i miss her anyways.
then i can actually be intown.
and just ride my bike everywhere.

ah i havent used this shit in years

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 16:50:45 GMT

let's see
im going crazy here
i miss him
oh well